Custard! A Bar Rescue Story
by HazelWitch81
Summary: Residental robots of Chapek 9 ruin a reenactment of the reality TV show Bar Rescue with custard!


Futurama:

Where Absurd Humor Rules

Screen: Hippity Hopper Cartoon

Chapter One:

One day on the all-robot human hating society known as Chapek 9, the President, the Secretary, and the Treasurer were all plotting to take over Earth and destroy all of humanity. The Robot Leaders looked like the typical robots from Chapek 9 but only wore three pieces suits, the President was wearing a black suit, the Treasurer a brown suit, and the Secretary of State, a blue suit.

President: Remember when those humans and that robot came here?

Secretary: Yes, the humans were caught and put on trial...

Treasurer: And then they escaped from The Robot Elders. They also had a robot with them.

President: Indeed, and years later, that robot came back without the humans and went to 'find himself'. And then betrayed us when he ran away!

Secretary: What do you have planned?

President: We robots want an all-robot dominated universe, so why not a better place to start than Earth!

Treasurer: Great idea! We'll get those humans and robot that escaped from us!

The President turns on a viewscreen on Earth, and sees Planet Express.

Secretary: This is where that robot and those humans live and work.

President: Spendid! Let's see what they're going to do so we can make our move! (laughs evilly)

Chapter Two:

Unaware that the robots from Chepak 9 were watching them, Fry and Leela both enter Planet Express.

Fry: What up, Leela! Ready for a space mission today?

Leela: As always!

Much to their surprise, when Fry and Leela entered Planet Express, they see the whole setting is now a bar. There's was a dartboard, a jacuzzi, mugs and alcohol everywhere, a pool table, jukebox, TV, and video games all around.

Fry: Is it me, or did work suddenly become fun?

Leela: What is going on here?

Bender jumps out of nowhere.

fFry and Leela: (yelp)

Bender: Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

Leela: Bender?! Did you have something to do with this?

Bender: You bet your one eye, I did!

Fry: Why does Planet Express look like the set of Cheers?

Bender: Here's why I did this: Do any of you watch that Nostolgic Reality Show Channel?

Leela: Can't say that I have.

Bender: I watched it last night, you dig? Then I came across this cool show that came out in 2011 called Bar Rescue!

Fry: Did the professor say this was okay?

Bender: Let me finish, skinny! Well, anyway, I loved the show so much, I decided to turn Planet Express into a bar! How television inspires us!

Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg walk in.

Amy: Splay? Why does this place look like a bar?

Zoidberg: I got dibs on the dartboard! (runs to the dartboard)

Hermes: Sweet Kitties of Kansas City! Planet Express is now a bar?!

Fry: I'll ask again, what does the Professor think about this?

Bender: Oh, he gave me his okay...

Farnsworth is sitting on a chair with a brain slug on his head.

Hermes: He looks like he had a lobotomy!

Bender: I'm going to give you all jobs! Zoidberg, you're our chef!

Zoidberg: Hooray! Zoidberg gets to make tasty meals!

Bender: Hermes and I will tend bar and give drinks.

Hermes: Well, I did take a bartending course that was required when I was in college... Best weed I've had in my life.

Bender: Leela and Amy, you two will be waitresses.

Leela: Sure, guess I can handle that.

Amy: Hope I get better tips than Leela!

Bender: All right! Let's get this party started! Stations everyone.

Fry: You forgot me.

Bender: Oh, yes, that's right. Fry, since you're scrawny, you need to toughen up. So, you'll be a security guard!

Fry: Awesome! It'll be like the head museum all over again!

Leela: Be sure to watch for Fake IDs.

Fry: We'll do.

Bender: I cristen thee, "The Botskeller!" (throws a full beer bottle at the side of the building) That will be the name of the bar! Let's try this for a month and see where it takes us...

Chapter Three:

A Month Later, the bar was failing. The President and his cohorts of Chapek 9 were watching with glee.

Treasurer: Look at this! That robot has a failing bar!

President: For a smart guy like that, he doesn't seem to be doing a very good job!

Secretary: (laughs) What's the plan for domination, boss?

President: We disguise as people who want to improve the bar, thus the name of the TV Show they're trying to recreate is called "Bar Rescue".

Treasurer: Yeah...and...keep going...

President: We'll strike when they least expect it!

Back on Earth in New New York, everyone is pissed about The Botskeller.

Bender: What the hell is going on? Why is this place failing? I put so much into this...

Leela: Do you even have to ask?

Amy: Spluh! Leela, Hermes, and I are the ones who are actually doing a good job here.

Hermes: Zoidberg's cooking is what's the cause of this...

Zoidberg: Sure! Everyone has to blame the crab doctor...

Heckler (throws beer bottle): Heads Up!

The beer bottle smashes against the wall Zoidberg was standing.

Zoidberg (ducks the bottle): MOTHER!

Leela: Not only that, Fry's been unknowingly letting in teenagers!

Fry (sees ID): That looks legit, you can come in!

Teenagers: ALL RIGHT! PARTY!

Amy: This place is totally out of control! It's like there's no rules!

Everyone in the bar was either a redneck, gangbanger, teenager, or biker. There was even a fight going on where people were throwing chairs at each other. The pool table is thrown into the wall where Zoidberg was standing and Zoidberg ducked again.

Zoidberg: MOTHER!

Bender: Your mother's dead!

Sal: This is the bests partys evers!

Biker: WOOOOOOO!

Leela: You know, Bender. This is all your fault.

Bender: Now you listen here. The Botskeller is going to be the best bar ever and...

Gang Banger (jumps onto the stool): Who wants to get wet!

Bender: I'm talking here...

Gang Banger (squirts the beer faucets into the people): AWESOME!

Everyone in the bar cheered as the beer was being squirted at them. Leela decides to do something.

Leela: Who here thinks Bender should be thrown out?

Fry, Zoidberg, Amy, Hermes, and Leela all vote uniamonious.

Leela: Then it's settled. (picks up Bender)

Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg helped Leela pick up Bender and throw him out of the bar.

Bender: You may have won this round, once I get through with this, The Botskeller will overtake Planet Express for good! (shakes fist)

Leela: We can fix this bar by ourselves.

Fry: How can we do it without Bender? Without him, I don't know what I'll do. I'll never adjust!

Leela: Easy we'll set some rules and...

Suddenly, a knock is heard. Hermes goes to answer it. At the door there were three figures that looked like manniquins. Unaware that they are the Robot Leaders from Chepak 9 in disguise.

Hermes: Welcome to the Botskeller, how may I help you?

President (in disguise): Did you all just say you want help making this bar better?

Then the Secretary and Treasurer follow him inside also disguised as manniquins.

Leela: Tell us more...

Fry was in a corner having a panic attack and sucking his thumb and some teenagers were making fun of him.

Chapter Four:

That very night at 3 am, Bender was downtrodden, beaten, sober, and walking the streets alone. Walking back to Planet Express in shame.

Bender: Now I know why they call this the gutter! I coulda been a contendah...(recovers) Ahhh, who am I kidding! I loved commiting crimes, and doing shameful things to survive on the streets!

He walks up to Planet Express and walks into the building.

Bender: At least I still have my bar...

Much to Bender's dismay, he saw the bar he created was half flooded in custard. Everyone else was wearing scuba gear to breathe and stay afloat!

Bender: What the hell? What happened to my bar? My beautiful bar!

Leela (gurgling): Wouldn't you like to know.

Bender: What does (imitates gurgling) mean? What up with theunderwater gear? This is supposed to be a bar, not a scuba diving store!

Fry (gurgling): You'll never believe what happened!

Bender: What did you guys do, have Linsday Lohan over or something?

Some of the custard was draining and is now up to their chests. They took off the scuba gear. The custard still remained.

Hermes: We invited some androids that looked like manniquins, who said they will help us improve our bar...

Fry: We all got drowned in custard instead!

Leela: Do you see, Bender? Do you see? All of these crazy hare-brained schemes of yours always end up getting us almost killed!

Fry: Don't be hard on him, Leela. It was fun to have a bar, and I got a be in a position of authority!

Leela: Yeah, look how _that_ ended up.

Amy: Our customers ran away.

In walks Farnsworth who notices all the custard, the brain slug was off his head.

Farnsworth: What's all the hubbubb? Why does this place look like a bar? Why is this half flooded with custard?

Leela: Ask Bender!

Amy: Zoidberg sure seems to making a pig of himself!

Zoidberg: Hey everybody! Isn't this great! The only meal I've had in weeks! (jumps into Custard) COWABUNGA!

Fry: Hmmm. Zoidberg thinks he's one of the Ninja Turtles.

Hermes: Who in the world would do such a thing?

Farnsworth: Bender, I never gave you permission to turn this place into a bar and...

The viewscreen turns on and it was the Robot Leaders of Chapek 9!

President: Greetings! People of the Earth!

Fry: Oh, no! Not another War Of The Worlds reenactment.

Farnsworth: Who are you people!

Treasurer: Don't call us people! That's an insult! We hate humans so much, that's the worst thing you can call us! For we are the Robot Leaders of Chapek 9!

Leela: I remember now. They're from that all-robot planet. Recocgnize them. All the robots looked the same there.

Bender: That place we went where you and Fry were almost killed, and I went on a soul searching journey!

Secretary: Right you are, pathetic human. We've been wanting to take over Earth for quite some time now...

Hermes: We'll never give into your demands!

President: Ever since those humans and robot came to our planet, we've been seeking revenge on them!

Fry: Revenge? For what?

Secretary: For your escaping your execution sentence, and that robot betrayed us too, by being associated with humans! Then he came back only to go back home instead of staying with us!

Bender: Just wanted to see if I had freewill or not. Since when is that illegal?

Treasurer: Silence! We watched your attempt to build that bar. We were hoping that robot would fail that bar, and that was our cue to make our move!

Farnsworth: Stop explaining why you want to invade and tell us what you want!

President: You, Professor. You're going to make a bomb for us. Can you do it?

Farnsworth: I can and will. And if I do? Then what?

Treasurer: If you do a terrible job making the bomb, we'll get rid of the custard...

Secretary: If you succeed, we'll use your bomb and kill all humans and enslave whosever left! (laughs evilly)

Bender: Wow! These are my kind of robots! They sure speak my language!

Farnsworth: Fine. I'll do it.

President: You'll better do it, or you'll get it!

The viewscreen turns off, and Farnsworth goes to make the bomb.

Amy: Want us to help you Professor?

Farnsworth: This is something I must do alone.

Scruffy: I can help. Used to be a janitor for a bomb making factory.

Farnsworth: OKay, you can help.

Scruffy and Farnsworth go off the make the bomb. Fry, Leela, Bender, Hermes, and Amy try to clean out the custard.

Chapter Five:

Hours later, Farnsworth and Scruffy finally got done making the bomb. Everyone was waiting for instructions from the Robot Leaders. Then the Robot Leaders come back on the viewscreen.

President: Is that the bomb we wanted?

Farnsworth: Indeed it is. What do you think?

Treasurer: Terrible job! We're going to let you go!

Everybody: Cheers!

Fry: No invasion today!

Then a vaccuum comes out of the viewcreen.

Secretary: The custard is gone, now we'll leave you alone!

The vacuum sucks out all the custard and Zoidberg is dispointed.

Zoidberg: NOOO! BRING BACK THE CUSTARD! THAT'S THE ONLY MEAL I CAN AFFORD!

Everything was cleaned up in no time. The bar accessories still remained.

Bender: No, let's reopen The Botskeller!

Farnsworth: Oh, no you don't!

Leela: Do you want us to get rid of the bar stuff, I say we should.

Farnsworth: Rightfully so, Mutant Cyclops! All of you all work together and get rid of all this bar crap!

Bender: Dammit! I'll never live my lifeling dream to own my own bar...I was going to hire strippers!

Farnsworth: We are a delivery company! Not a fool room! I'll call the movers.

Fry, Bender, Hermes, Leela, Amy, and Zoidberg all moved the pool table, dartboard, and everything else Bender put in to make The Botskeller to moved it into the curb. Then some mover men came with a hovervan.

Mover Man #1: We can take that stuff.

Bender: Never! I won't rest until I have a...

The Mover Man subdued Bender with an electrical taser and Bender passed out.

Fry: Take all of this stuff here...

Leela: Get rid of all of it.

Hermes: Never liked having a bar anyway.

Zoidberg (sadly): I want my custard back!

Fry: Why did you do that to Bender?

Mover Man #2: We just don't like robots, why don't you guys go into our van, we have a surprise for all of you!

Fry: Really? Oh boy! Is it a Slurm Machine!

Mover Man #1: Better than a Slurm Machine!

Fry goes into the hovervan, and Leela and the others run inside to stop him.

Leela: No, Fry! Don't! It's a trick!

Amy: Didn't your parents ever tell you not to talk to strangers!

Hermes: Possible you're so naive that...

When everyone expect Bender and Farnsworth were in the van, some gas filled the van.

Leela: See Fry? See what happens when you (falls asleep)

Fry: Where's this surp...(falls asleep)

Fry, Leela, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg were all knocked unconscience by the gas. Then the Mover Men take off the disguises and they were the Robot Leaders in disguise. They walk into Planet Express and take the bomb Farnsworth built.

President: We sure fooled them, didn't we!

Chapter Six:

Bender and Farnsworth both woke up. Farnsworth had another one of his sleep episodes. They notice that the whole Planet Express building is gone.

Farnsworth: I had the most wonderful dream, I built this bomb and...Oh no! It's true! I did build a bomb! And where is it?

Bender (notices the building is gone): Great! I've been known for stealing things, just know I'm going to get blamed for this. Where's everyone else?

Farnsworth: I still have my tracking device on my belt buckle. I can locate the others and the Planet Express Building...

The tracking device shows a mini-map and it shows that the Planet Express building is floating in space.

Bender: Whoever did this to my bar will have to answer to my shiny metal ass! Nobody messes with Bender's plans and gets away with it!

Farnsworth: I'm afraid we were duped by those Mover Men.

Bender (laughs): Who launched the The Planet Express building into space? Dr. Evil? (laughs) It's like that one Big Boy spaceship he had and...

Farnsworth (picks up disguise): We were duped! Those Mover Men were really the Robot Leaders!

Bender: Yeah, so?

Farnsworth: They captured all the humans who worked for us, whoever they were, and launched the Planet Express building into space!

Meanwhile in the Planet Express building that was floating into space, Fry, Leela, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg all wake up. They too were all floating around helplessly without any gravity. All the stuff Bender had in the bar was in there as well.

Fry: Wonder what costumers will come in today. Are we still doing Bender's bar thing?

Zoidberg (looks out window): Unless the customers are star and planets.

Fry: I'll do better, next time I'll check for fake IDs and...

Leela (looks out window): You better forget about serving any customers anytime soon, Fry...

Amy: That's right because...we're in...SPACE! (looks out window)

Hermes: And there's no way to get back home!

Fry (looks out window and gasps): It's true! We _are_ in space! (screams) WE'RE BBBBOOOOONNNNNEEEEEDDDDDD!

Chapter Seven:

Back on Earth, everything in Planet Express was gone expect the TV, Bender went to turn it on, and there was a news report about the Planet Express building floating into space.

Linda: In the news today, a New New York Delivery Company and it's employees have been launched into space. With no means of getting back home.

Morbo: I say leave them there. Because the only good human, is a dead one!

Linda (laughs): And this is what some Robots from Chapek 9 had to say.

The screen goes to the President and his cohorts.

President: Greetings, Earth! We robots of Chapek 9 will invade your planet, and you will all be slaves.

Bender (turns off TV in disgust): Dammit! Why is it Fry and others get to make national headlines over huge and big and become famous, and I never do!

Farnsworth: Hmmm, Bender. Sounds to me like you're suffering from Kardashian Syndrome!

Bender: Don't compare me to those huge assed bitches!

Farnsworth: Well, you're our last hope...luckily we still have the Planet Express ship and...

Bender: What are you getting at?

Farnsworth: You will have to bring Planet Express and everyone back home.

Bender: Awww, crap! I want to kill humans, not sacrifice myself for the sake of helping them!

Farnsworth: You have to do it! I don't want to have to hire another crew!

Bender: Fine! I'll go! This time, I'm working alone! Don't need your help, old fartknocker!

Just as Bender was about to jump into The Planet Express, he is stopped by a voice.

Voice: You know, you'd do a lot better if you had an ally.

Bender: Who the hell just said that?

Voice: Behind you.

Bender sees that's it's Nibbler.

Nibbler: Can help you track down the Planet Express Building, and I will help you bring everyone home.

Bender: Don't need help from a mangy little rodent thingy or whatever the hell you are! I flushed you down the toilet before, don't think I can't do it again...

Nibbler: True you did that. But remember when you said you wanted to recreate Bar Rescue?

Bender: Yes, I do, what's your point?

Nibbler: Those robots took everything from you. Your bar, your friends, your job. Don't you want to get your life back?

Bender: You sound like a motivational speaker. What're you, Andrew WK? I hate those people.

Nibbler: You can't do this alone. So, you must come with me. Tonight, we are going to play Bar Rescue for real.

Bender (begrudgely): Let's go, already! So, where's that little spaceship of yours?

Nibbler: Behind the dumpster.

Bender and Nibbler go to the dumpster and get into Nibbler's spaceship and take off.

Chapter Eight:

Back in space, Leela tries to find a way to get back to Earth.

Leela: Don't worry. I'm a spaceship captain, I'll try to find some controls. (finds nothing) Dammit! Who the hell did such a thing!

Fry: It was those mover men! Probably from Operation Repo! They take things away from you.

Hermes: You could be right about that, Fry.

Zoidberg: I want my custard back! (sobs)

Amy: Nobody cares about your stupid custard! There's more important things at stake.

Then the Robot Leaders appear on the viewscreen.

President: Hello, hello again, inferior humans!

Leela: YOU! You did this, didn't you!

Fry: The Professor built the bomb, and you said you'd let us go if he did.

Treasurer: Only if he did a terrible job, when in fact, he did a excellent job!

Hermes: You all have us trapped in space, now what?

Secretary: We're going to kill you of course!

Amy: Kill us? How? We're already trapped in space...

President: Exactly! We wanted you all to get you to a point where you're all the most helpess. And what better way than to trap you all in space! (laughs evilly)

Secretary: You're all floating around due to the lack of gravity! Now here's our plan!

Treasurer: We cut the bomb in half. One part of the bomb for Earth, and another for you people! (laughs evilly)

Leela: You wouldn't dare!

Zoidberg: You'll never get away with this! I'll forgive you if you give us more custard!

President: That's exactly what we're planning to do!

Then the Treasurer parks a hovertruck with a load of custard next to the Planet Express building. The vaccuum comes out of the viewscreen and custard flows out in fast speeds causing everyone to almost drown.

Fry (gasps): If only Bender could save us...

Zoidberg: Hooray! The custard's back!

Hermes (gasps): This is all your fault, Zoidberg!

Leela (gasps): You just had to mention custard, didn't you?

Secretary: You're all going to die an unusual death! A very delicious death! (laughs evilly)

Amy: (gasps and shouts in Cantonese)

Everyone tries to stay above the custard.

Chapter Nine:

Bender and Nibbler were flying in space on Nibbler's ship. They tracked down the Planet Express building and the Robot Leaders.

Nibbler: The Robot Leaders are in Chapek 9's capital building. Heard their plan to take down Earth.

Bender: There as good as dead, so what do you want me to do about it?

Nibbler: All you need to do is get the bomb away from the President and his henchmen, and then I'll save the others and we all go back to Earth.

Bender: Sounds like a plan.

Nibbler dropps Bender off at Chapek 9's Captial Building and Bender sneaks in. Nibbler tries to find a way inside the Planet Express building.

Chapter Ten Conclusion:

Nibbler broke inside the Planet Express building and started to eat all of the custard that's flooding the building. Everyone assumed Zoidberg was doing it.

Leela: Zoidberg, your sucking out of the custard isn't what's going to help us now!

Fry: Let's face it, we're all boned! Nobody here to save us and...

The custard was gone, thanks to Nibbler as he revealed himself.

Amy: Look it's Nibbler!

Nibbler: Bender and I came to save you, he's going to stop the Robot Leaders from blowing up the Earth with the bomb!

Hermes: Put all hope to survive on Bender, only unless he as an agenda.

Zoidberg: Nibbler! I hate you for eating my custard!

Meanwhile on Chapek 9, Bender broke into the Captial Building.

President: Who are you?

Bender (pointing laser gun): Hand it over!

Secretary: I know him! He's that robot who came here with those humans and then joined a monastary and ran away!

Bender: Biggest mistake of my life!

Treasurer: We'll will not let this filthy trailor win against us! Commence bomb dropping! (pushes button)

Bender: You people stole away my bar, and for that you all PAY!

President: You won't stop us! We know karate!

Bender: Oh, yeah? And I know, CAH-RAZY! (dives at the Leaders)

The President, Treasurer, and Secretary all gathered against Bender, and they all got into a physical fight. Bender was punching and kicking the President and his henchmen, and they beat him, sometimes too. Bender then pushed the button for the bomb and it deactiviated. Planet Express and Earth was saved. Bender subdued the President and his cohorts and then used to bomb and aim it at them. Bender leaves Chapek 9's Captial Building to join the others in the floating Planet Express building. Nibbler tied a rope to the Planet Express building and attached it to his spaceship.

Bender (entering the building): I'm back, baby!

Fry (hugs Bender): Bender! You saved us!

Bender: Only because I was obligated. And I wanted my bar back!

Amy: How are we going to get back to Earth?

Leela: Any ideas, Nibbler?

Nibbler: I tied a rope to the Planet Express Building when Bender was doing battle with the President. I'll take you all back to Earth.

Hermes: Thank you for saving us, Nibbler.

Nibbler: Anytime. Now, I have to get back to my spaceship and bring all of you home!

Bender: I'm the one that saved you all, and that mutt gets the credit?

Zoidberg: I feel your pain, Bender. Nibbler stole my custard!

Nibbler went back into his spaceship and drove the Planet Express building back to Earth. However, the spaceship and building accidently landed in Alaska. Once everyone was back at Earth, they noticed a change in the scenery and weather. There were dogsleds, mooses, Eskimos, and a wintery village ahead of them.

Bender (stepping outside): What's with all the Eskimos?

Fry (stepping outside): Brrrr! I didn't know it was XMAS already.

Leela (stepping outside): XMAS? In the middle of April? This isn't New New York.

They are all then greeted by Sarah Palin's head.

Sarah Palin: Hello there, I'm Sarah Palin! Want to go Moose Hunting and star in my reality show with me?

Bender: Oh, no! Oh, Dear Robot God, No!

Leela: Oh, Lord! Not that attention grabbing whore! What's she going to want next, a Big Gulp? Bender. Think you can take us back to New New York?

Sarah Palin: Big Gulp? I have one right here! (holds Big Gulp and sees Fry) You look like you need to add some pounds!

Bender: This is the last time I'm helping you...

Fry: Anything you want in return?

Moments Later...

Planet Express was back in New New York. Bender couldn't be more happier now that he has The Botskeller back in all it's glory. Everything Bender had for the bar was better than ever. This time, Bender and Hermes were bartenders, Leela, Fry and Amy were waiters. They hired Elzar and some caterers to be the chefs. Scruffy was now the secruity guard and more competant than Fry. Everyone there from bikers, rednecks, strippers, college coeds, and this time, no teenagers tried to sneak in.

Leela: So Bender, how's it feel to achieve your dream?

Bender: Awesome Leela! Being surrounded by everything I love!

Fry: This is so much fun, now I can be a delivery boy and a waiter! Great job, Bender!

Hermes: Think you can sell some weed in here?

Bender: Well, I am into anything bad and sleazy, so sure!

Amy: Look at all the tips I'm getting!

Zoidberg: Ehhh, I think I'm accidently ate some food and and drank some beer. (vomits)

Bender: (blows raspberry) That figures!

Everybody: PARTY!

Then Jon Taffer's head comes to the screen:

Jon Taffer's Head: And that's the story how a robot with a dream fought for what he believed it and achieved and succeeded! The Botskeller, ladies and gentlemen, let's all give it a big hand! This has been an epic story of Bar Rescue! See you next time!

THE END


End file.
